it's not enough.

I've evolved to the point where I think it's boring getting a foot massage every day. Today I had a scalp massage added to my request. Ninety minutes, one hour on the feet and thirty minutes of a scalp massage. ------------- It was good but it's not nearly enough. It's not satisfying. It's just being pampered. I live a pampered life here and it's not satisfying. I doubt my purpose in life is to spend the rest of my life here being pampered.

 

I do as I please all day every day. I get the best drugs upon request but it's not enough. My latest drug is liquid morphine.

"Hates it"!!!!!

I slept like shit three days back to back because of the liquid morphine. I definitely takes the pain away but makes me tremble and when it wares off the trembling is worse. I spent two days listening to my hypnosis tapes on sleep and relaxation to get past the morphine shakes. I'm done with that stuff.  I think it's funny that people on the street would kill for that stuff. I don't get what the big deal is. Who wants to go around nervous and shaking.

 

I watched the Peaceful Warrior on YouTube. I identify with the philosophy that service to others is the highest goal to which man can aspire. Actually, I think Love is the highest goal to which man can aspire but a life filled with service to others is about the best Mankind has to offer.  

I read once the first realization of a warrior is not knowing and that being a warrior is about absolute vulnerability. There's something about these words that rings true for me. I certainly understand no knowing and I certainly feel vulnerability in my life.

So what next???

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