The homeless mother and child

 

 

I needed to go up to the mall today, Kad Suan Kaew Central Mall. If you stand in front of this mall you would think you were in America. there's a Starbucks out front and a KFC and Sizzler. Disgustingly American. As I crossed the street I saw a mother and her child sitting in the shade. They were homeless. The homeless here make the homeless in America seem lucky. They looked as if they had not bathed in weeks, if not months. It was so painful to see.

 

The horror of the sight hit me like a punch in the stomach and the shock of that almost brought me to my knees. I could not stop the tears from leaking out. What kind of a person am I to see something like that and do nothing. No Thing. --- I hate myself today. I hate myself for not stopping and giving her the 320 baht I had in my pocket.

 

When I fail to summon the courage to act my fallback position is to hate God. ---- I know, God did not create the society that would allow such a sight. We did. Us. All of us. Everyone on the planet is a little bit culpable. Sometimes hating God is easier than doing something. I would not be feeling tortured right now if I'd given her the 320 baht in my fucking pocket.

 

The odd part of this scene is her son, a child about three years old. The child did not sound miserable and tortured. He had this completely joyful and charming laughter about him. That was an incongruity.

 

Can I go back tomorrow and help?

 

"I don't know. Can you. But "can you" is not the question needing to be asked. The real question is, Will you?

 

What will you do"?

 

It's easy to sit in your condo, watching tv and stuffing your fat ass with delicious food, then write about what a tradgy that scene was today. It takes courage to act. It takes no courage to view and comment. There are times writing about such tradgies serves a purpose. This is not one of those times. Writing this serves only to appease you, to shelter the burden from your shoulders. It serves no one".

 

 

 

 

 

specious

spe·cious

/ˈspēSHəs/

 

Adjective Superficially plausible, but actually wrong: "a specious argument". Misleading in appearance, esp. misleadingly attractive: "a specious appearance of novelty".

My Peaceful Warrior Notes

Peaceful Warrior:

 

Peaceful Warrior is a 2006 drama film directed by Victor Salva and written by Kevin Bernhardt based on the novel Way of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman. Set at U.C.

I first watched this movie back in 2007 and watched it again today on youtube. It's excellent. Lots of great messages.


"Trash" is defined as anything keeping you from this moment, being in the moment

Everything has a purpose, it's up to you to find it

Look within for your answers.

The people that are the hardest to love are the people who need love the most

How much time do you spent every day working on being a better person?

Be conscious about your choices and responsible for your actions

A warrior is about absolute vulnerability

A warrior is not about perfection

The accident is your training.

A warrior acts only a fool reacts

There is no starting or stopping or doing

Paradox
Humor
Change

1. Paradox; life is a mystery so don't waste time trying to figure it out
2. Humor: Keep a sense of humor, especially about yourself, it is a strength beyond all measure
3. Change: None or nothing stays the same

The journey is what brings us out for the journey holds more value than the destination

A warrior acts...

Only a fool reacts...


When you run around reacting to lifes events and the people upon your path then they are in charge of your life, the events and the people. Everyone and every  thing is in charge  ------------------------- but you.

React to this,

React to that,

React to this,

React to that,

It never stops. It's never ending. It's an exhausting way in which to lead your life..

This is how most people live...

This is one of the things that allows people not stuck in the world of reacting to get ahead.

it's not enough.

I've evolved to the point where I think it's boring getting a foot massage every day. Today I had a scalp massage added to my request. Ninety minutes, one hour on the feet and thirty minutes of a scalp massage. ------------- It was good but it's not nearly enough. It's not satisfying. It's just being pampered. I live a pampered life here and it's not satisfying. I doubt my purpose in life is to spend the rest of my life here being pampered.

 

I do as I please all day every day. I get the best drugs upon request but it's not enough. My latest drug is liquid morphine.

"Hates it"!!!!!

I slept like shit three days back to back because of the liquid morphine. I definitely takes the pain away but makes me tremble and when it wares off the trembling is worse. I spent two days listening to my hypnosis tapes on sleep and relaxation to get past the morphine shakes. I'm done with that stuff.  I think it's funny that people on the street would kill for that stuff. I don't get what the big deal is. Who wants to go around nervous and shaking.

 

I watched the Peaceful Warrior on YouTube. I identify with the philosophy that service to others is the highest goal to which man can aspire. Actually, I think Love is the highest goal to which man can aspire but a life filled with service to others is about the best Mankind has to offer.  

I read once the first realization of a warrior is not knowing and that being a warrior is about absolute vulnerability. There's something about these words that rings true for me. I certainly understand no knowing and I certainly feel vulnerability in my life.

So what next???

.

 

 

It stinks outside

I don't know if it's the heat or not but the smell seems to be getting worse. There's the smog. There's the moat and there's the garbage being thrown into the streets from all the vendors. They throw their dirty water and whatnot right into the street near a drain but it rarely goes down. It sits there in the street, layer upon layer. There are decades upon decades of filth in the streets and in the gutters. This is the way it's been done forever so there's no change in sight.

 

The smell gets a little more disgusting each and every day. For a while I thought the city just needs a good rain but we've had rain and nothing changed. Still stinks to high heaven.

I've been here a couple of months now and can't really say I've come across the stink of cigarette smoke which I think is odd because I see signs of people smoking and I see people smoking, so what gives? Today I was in the vicinity of two Caucasians smoking and it really stunk up a storm. One of the smokers held the cigaretter in her hand in such a manner as to have it on display,

 "look everybody, I'm smoking".

This reminded me of when my dad bought his second wife a four carot diamond ring. She could not pass you the salt at the dinner table without showing off that ring. She was a miserable human being and she drank herself to death. Alcoholic. She did not drink because she was full of love, that's for damn sure.

I deduced from this it is the cigarettes that smell so foul. Americans smoke the American cigarettes with all those filthy toxic disgusting chemicals and the locals smoke the local cigarettes which are not as offensive smelling probably becuase they are just tobacco. I think? I guess?


.

Whisky girls/bar girls and hookers

I read that Thai girls will not show affection in public. They are much too conservative for that. From what I can tell, that seems to be true and it seems to be the general rule here. I'm out and about all the time, every day, and I see many couples out there but never holding hands, never kissing or displaying affection of any kind or in the public view. Once in awhile I'll see a girl with a Caucasian man and she hangs onto him as if her life depends upon it. Most of the time the girls hanging on to the guys are made up with makeup that reminds me of looking at a corps, overly Rosy cheeks that stand out and that sort of thing. I have deduced this is a bar girl or a whore. The girls are always really cute, sometimes they are model hot, long and lean with dynamite figures but the makeup I think is a dead give away. Too much makeup, horrible makeup and clinging to her Caucasian man.  

 

I think the girls clinging is sure sign the relationship is very temporary.