Foot massage today

Since my arrival to Chiang Mai I have been getting foot massages. There is no shortage of places to go. I tried the whole body Thai massage and did not care for it. They are brutal on my lower back so I've opted for the foot massage. I felt it important to try a few different places and through variety I would establish a real knowledge of what is a good foot massage and what is not so good.

Directly across the street from one of Chiang Mai's nicest shopping malls, Kad Suan Kaew I found what seems to be one of the best places to go for a foot massage, it called Gold Hand, and it's called that for a reason. They have gold hands and do it right. I fell asleep while getting a massage. While at the mall today I ordered business cards. The gentleman said it would take one hour for the cards to be produced. I thought to myself, great, I'll get a foot massage while waiting for my business cards.

If you are at Kad Suan Kaew shopping mall and need to kill an hour I recommend the "massage parlor" across the street. Today was my second time in that establishemnt and once again I left feeling the 160 baht I spent for a one hour foot massage was money very well spent.

Once again I met another extremely nice person, a lady person while getting a foot massage. We were sitting side by side with an open chair between us. She was a language professor from a christian college in california and just so very nice. It was great conversation. She was filled with information about the city an life here in Chiang Mai. She knows Chiang Mai as she's been coming here for fifteen years as an academic, a language professor, teaching English.

After filling me in on her reasons to be in Chiang Mai she asked about me.

"How long are you here for"?

"This is my new home" I declared. And by the by "

"It is also the first time I've ever left America".

Everyone has the exact same reaction. They are stunned.

"I bought a ticket to Bangkok with the intention of ending up in Chiang Mai. I packed a bag and said AMF and hit the road"

"You are a brave man"

I don't feel brave or maybe I do. I feel desperation and desperation is a powerful motivator. Harness that power and you have something.

I went on to tell the professor:

"I cannot conceive of a situation I could encounter anywhere in the world where I could not handle it. I think it's different for the ladies. They are not nearly as big and strong as us guys"

We (men) have more going for us with size and strength but I have a sure fire way out of any potentially violent/harmful situation. Ninety percent of the time I estimate it will work every time.

Here's the scenario, I'm walking down the street. It's late. No one around. I'm limping as I walk. To the predatory animals laying in wait for me I appear vulnerable, wounded, an easy target. Out pops a bad guy or two, or three. One of the evil doers produces a knife or a gun while demanding my mula, cash, denaro. Here is what to do.

Step 1) Begin crying. Not quiet crying. Begin crying hysterically and as loud as you can. The louder the better.

Step 2) Urinate. Pee your pants, right then and there. Pee down the side of your leg and brother if you don't got to pee you summon it. You summon that shit from deep down within. Think (believe), it's pee or die. If you make yourself believe it, it's easy to do. Fear is a powerful motivation but instead of succumbing to fear, use it.

So there you are, crying hysterically and you have pee'd your pants. Next is the most crucial move.

Step 3) Vomit. Pretend you ate a bad snail or something like that and vomit the shit out.

Picture it, crying hysterically, peeing down the side of your leg and vomit down the front of your shirt. Who in their right mind would continue to stay in the company of such a person?

I've never actually tried this. This is theory and conjecture. If anyone takes my advice I'd like to hear how it turns out. I'd like to build a stistical database based on the numbers for those who try this.

After picking up my business cards I met another very nice couple the mall while shopping for sandles. More about them in my next blog.